Toini Comes Home

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paladin

/ˈpalədɪn/ n.

1. a holy warrior

2. a person appointed by a god to be their representative in the physical world

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Toini Comes Home is the story about how Toini returns to her hometown after having been missing, presumed dead, for the past ten years.

2015-12-10 19.24.32

Version 2

April 7, 2016

After having written most of the original version of this story I realised it had some major flaws. Despite this I decided to finish the story, but also to write a new, better version once the first one was completed.

For the first version, scroll down.

Version 2 – Draft 1

The second version of the story is now (October 12, 2016) finished. You can read the individual scenes here on the blog, or you can scroll down and download the entire story in one go (yes, it’s free).

September 26 – seems I had a bit of a break in writing here (three months).

Full Versions

These are the full versions of the story in three different formats:

Comments are welcome, and very much appreciated. However, at this stage, now that the story is written, I’m unlikely to make changes to it. I still value feedback though. It is very helpful to learn what works and what doesn’t, what you like and what you don’t like. It’ll help me learn and it’ll help me write better stories in the future.

I really do want to hear what you have to say.

Version 1

Outline

The full outline of the story can be found here. Yes, it will contain spoilers. It’s the full outline for the entire story from start to end, including all iterations from the first to the last.

The outline does not include full conversation lines for all scenes, but all major conversations have had their flow and topic detailed.

With the outline done, the overall shape of the story is settled. This is what will happen and how it will end, but there’s still plenty of room for details to change.

Draft 1

The full version of Draft 1 can be downloaded as a .MOBI file here. Click the button with the three little dots in the upper right corner and select Download to get the file.

At this stage I realised there’s a serious flaw with the outline of the story. It’s stil not clear what the purpose of the story is. I know myself of course, and if you’ve seen the outline, you also know, but someone who hasn’t won’t have a clue, and that’s not so good.

I’m going to finish the rest of the story according to the outline anyway. There will be three more scenes, and it’ll be helpful for learning about the characters, but after that I’ll need to make some serious modifications to the plot and then start over.

This version of the story is now completed. I’m not going to touch this again, but I might put up a kindle version just to satisfy the little completionist in me. That’s a task for another day though – or perhaps tonight.

Now to start working on the next version.

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