I’m not assertive enough for this.

Toini is being difficult.

Or, rather, to be more correct: I’m having difficulties writing her.

For the most part my characters I’ve written about, and from whose perspective I’ve told my stories, have been people I have something in common with. They’ve been acting in ways I can relate to and which I understand.

So far, that’s been the case for Toini as well, but in this latest scene I’ve been working on that’s changed a little. I’ve had to write Toini in a situation where her role as a military commander and leader has had to shine through.

She needs to be decisive, confident, and in charge. Assertive. It’s really difficult for me. I can do all those things, but only as long as I’m on my own, or when I know no one will object to my decision.

In this case, there’s a whole lot of objections. The person Toini needs to keep in line is not cooperating and does not agree with her decisions. If it were me, I’d probably try to argue and compromise, but for Toini that’s not an option. At least not in the way I do it.

Toini has a plan and she means to stick with it. She can’t be making concessions just to fit someone else. Her mission is a holy, god-given quest, and whether her chronicler wants some time off or not is completely irrelevant.

He’s still right there in front of her though, and she still has to deal with him.

Seeing how difficult a time I have to write this I’m really glad I’m not in any kind of leadership position in real life.

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I’m not assertive enough for this.

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